If you see Mr Cameron’s backbone, please return it.

This is an urgent lost body-part message for anybody who knows where David Cameron’s backbone is.

Cameron’s backbone was last seen disappearing somewhere in the Westminster region of London sometime in 2010. Without his backbone, it is unlikely that he will be able to deal with the growing threats of mass rapes, terror and sedition emanating from Britain’s Muslim community. Doctors believe that Mr Cameron’s backbone slipped away almost unnoticed when the Prime Minister became infected with the deadly virus Libdemola Clegg, a condition from which very few survive unscathed.

It is vital that Mr Cameron’s backbone is located as soon as possible. Without this vital body-part Mr Cameron is severely disabled, now when faced with Islam terror, murder and sedition, all he can do is robotically intone the phrase ‘Islam is a religion of peace’. This is especially embarrassing for Mr Cameron when he has to make statements about murdered soldiers, aid workers and other Britons killed by Islam. Because Mr Cameron is missing his backbone, the condition forces him to make naïve statements about Islam and this makes him appear increasingly like an appeasing idiot.

It is a grave necessity that someone, somewhere locates Mr Cameron’s spine, as he is rapidly transmogrifying into a soft, yielding, jelly-like substance. It’s not just important for Mr Cameron, but important for his national family as well, many of whom are growing increasingly worried about his decline.

A crack team of spin-doctors and assorted quacks are doing their best for Mr Cameron, including giving him daily injections of an experimental drug called Farageazine, which is intended to give him the appearance, if not the reality of having a backbone.

Readers of this message should search their local areas as thoroughly as possible to see if Mr Cameron’s backbone can be located. Look under the bed, in outbuildings and public toilets. Ask your neighbours if they’ve seen Mr Cameron’s backbone because he, and the rest of us, are increasingly lost without it.

If you find Mr Cameron’s backbone, wherever it may be hiding, grab it, wrap it in a plastic bag and post it to the following address:

The David Cameron Missing Backbone Campaign

10 Downing Street

London

SW1A 2AA

Let all of us put in the very best of efforts to reunite David Cameron with his missing backbone.