Do you have the desire to piss off your local contingent of Bearded Savages with tasty bacon but don’t want to risk being imprisoned by Britain’s increasingly pro-Muslim police and courts? If you do then what you need is the ‘Mk V Bacon Drone’ from Kafir Enterprises.
The Mark V Bacon drone is the very latest in stand off bacon delivery technology. The Mk V Bacon Drone is fitted with GPS navigation, along with a back up navigation system comprising of maps that can be added to the drone by way of a normal SD card. In back up navigation mode the Mk V Bacon Drone uses radar to read the ground and then compares it with the on-board map. The back up system is there for when GPS is unavailable.
Release the bacon missiles
The command and fire control systems on this aircraft are encrypted and use frequency hopping technology in the military aviation section of the UHF spectrum. This protects the aircraft from many enemy jamming techniques. The frequency hopping and up to the minute narrow band technology makes the Mk V Bacon Drone extremely frequency efficient. Advanced artificial intelligence software guides the Mk V Bacon Drone to its target when out or range of the controller device or in the unlikely event that the control uplink is compromised. When in direct ground control mode the Mk V Bacon Drone beams back high definition images of all aspects of the mission.
The aircraft’s weapons pylons are capable of holding and delivering all current models of NATO standard bacon, both smoked and unsmoked, along with 1000 rounds of gammon at an extremely high fire rate. Area denial weapons from the renowned Gloucester Old Spot bacon fat works can also be fitted as an option. This weapon can spread a thin film of bacon fat over everything in a 100 yard wide corridor when the aircraft is flown at normal attack height.
In attack mode bacon filled missiles are launched from the aircraft at very high speeds. The warheads detach and split into several independently programmable sub munitions. In tests carried out on Salisbury Plain the Mk V Bacon Drone was able to successfully fill an empty shoe with standard smoked bacon ordnance from a height of 5000 feet.
Result of Salisbury Plain bacon test
There are multiple options available for the Mk V Bacon Drone including electronic countermeasures such as auto deployed chaff and also powerful psychological weapons. One option is the ‘Call to Prayer Jamming System’ where all UHF mosque call to prayer frequencies from 454.000MHz to 454.8250MHz are simultaneously jammed with recordings of ‘God Save The Queen’, ‘Rule Britannia’ and for added deadly head exploding effect, the Israeli national anthem ‘Hatikva’. This particular option is a powerful psychological weapon and a proven force multiplier and will cause confusion to any Bearded Savage listening on these frequencies who is expecting to hear some screaming Imam doing his stuff, thus discomforting them to a very large extent.
The Mk V Bacon Drone has been extensively tested in some of the most hazardous environments on the planet, including Bradford, and is probably the best stand off bacon delivery system in the world today. In today’s challenging battlefield environment shouldn’t you equip your forces with the very best in over the horizon bacon delivery technology?
When you need to fling lots of bacon around then you need the Mk V Bacon Drone. You know it makes sense.
