If you a person without any honesty whatsoever and have a distinct lack of any moral or ethical probity, but you want to dip into the public funded trough to the tune of approximately £16,000 per year, then has the disgraced Tell Mama organisation got the position for you. Tell Mama is looking for a West Midlands Regional Manager. This could be just the job if you are an ex-fraudster, ex-benefit cheat, ex-company expense account exaggerator or similar and are looking to get into the lucrative fields of non-jobbery and taking money from the public purse under false pretences. Just think you too could get your hands on a slice of the £180,000 per annum that the Department of Communities and Local Government wastes on the charlatans of Tell Mama.

Here’s the job and person description that Tell Mama have put out. As is usual policy for this blog the original text is in italics whereas this blog’s comments are in plain text.

The ‘Charity Jobs’ website said:

We require experienced candidates who have previously worked in hate crime projects or who have worked with Muslim communities, though these requirements are not essential, but preferable. We are therefore looking for the following:

Translation: Tell Mama require an experienced bullshit merchant who can talk up minor incidents such as off colour comments and hijab pulling, into the equivalent of a crime against humanity. No honesty is required for this post.

– A self-starter who can work independently and report back to the National Tell MAMA management team and to the local West Midlands Regional Advisory Board,

Translation: You will be expected to do and write whatever the Tell Mama management team and Tell Mama’s founder Fiyaz ‘The Mountebank’ Mughal tell you to do and write, no matter how counter-factual it may be.

– A self-confident advocate who can advocate for victims and take part in the delivery of outreach events into mosques, community centres and take part in senior level meetings with relevant agencies.

Translation: The ability to say ‘Islam is a religion of peace’ a lot whilst ignoring things like Jihad, electoral corruption and Islamic Rape Gangs and pretending that they do not exist.

– Be able to represent Tell MAMA and have well developed speaking and engagement skills.

Translation: A highly effective and very dishonest bullshit merchant is required and one who is not averse to liberally spreading said bullshit to police officers, council officers, elected representatives and the Crown Prosecution Service.

– Be able to develop and follow local engagement plans and travel through the region, ensuring that people are aware that they can report in anti-Muslim hatred into Tell MAMA, but also receive core services of advocacy, casework and legal advocacy that Tell MAMA can provide.

Translation: You will search out and find anti Muslim activity and howl about it even when it either doesn’t exist or is relatively minor.

– Be passionate about tackling anti-Muslim hatred within a human rights framework, which means that anti-Muslim hatred is one strand of intolerance that needs tackling within a wider framework of challenging hatred, intolerance and prejudice in general.

Translation: Be passionate about the crap that you will be required to spout after all every good conman needs to be able to seem believable. The employee, whoops sorry that should read ‘conman’, selected will be required to whine about ‘anti Muslim hatred’ whilst hiding behind Jews, Gays and other groups to make it seem as if Islam is really a victim and not, as it is in reality, an aggressor ideology.

– Be able to work with faith and interfaith groups.

Translation: The candidate must be able to spread ‘Islam is a religion of peace’ bullshit to naïve vicars, rabbis and the equally naïve ‘bagels and bhajis’ brigade.

– Have strong IT capabilities and be able to work on the move.

Translation: Must be able to delete embarrassing data from many systems including from the Tell Mama supplied laptop.

Ideally, we would like candidates to have at least 2 years of community engagement experience and direct experience of hate crime work.

Translation: We want an idiot Leftie whose recent experience has been working in some sort of ‘community cohesion’ non-job

This is an excellent opportunity for someone to further develop their career in hate crime work and to build on strong outreach skills that they may have.

Translation: If you have a 2:2 degree in ‘Feminist Glaciology’ from The Arkansas Snake Oil Correspondence College then this is just the job for you.

If you are interested in the role, please send a CV and covering letter outlining why you meet the core criteria listed above. Applicants without a covering letter will not be considered.

Translation: Honest people need not apply. I would also not advise putting in a joke application for this job as the thin-skinned numpties at Tell Mama are likely to have you arrested for doing so under laws designed to prevent ‘racial and religious’ harassment.