One of the categories that Tell Mama use to classify alleged ‘hate crimes’ are what they call ‘attacks with pork products’. It’s a pretty laughable category, as pork isn’t exactly Kryptonite is it? I for example don’t eat pork but I don’t give a toss if others wish to eat it.

One internet commentator, whose name escapes me for at this moment, said that they refused to comment on the ‘attack by pork products’ claims by Tell Mama as it was such a damned stupid classification it was not worth the effort of bothering with.

However, Tell Mama seem to love going off on one when it comes to dubious claims of ‘hate crime’ attacks with pork products, which probably makes a change from them claiming that people saying nasty but true things about Islam on the internet, is the same as someone being attacked in the street. To this end they’ve recently been featuring an allegation from Cambridge UK where a Muslim man claimed that he took his kids to a swimming pool and came back to the car park to find bacon on his car door handle (see picture below).

Picture published on the Tell Mama website of the alleged ‘bacon attack’.

When I read this story there were aspects of it that really didn’t ring true to me. I know bacon, even though I don’t eat it myself. I know what temperature it needs to be got to to cook it properly, I know that it oozes grease even at low temperatures and I know that a Muslim who whines about bacon placed in inappropriate places is guaranteed to get the Islamopandering cops running to their aid. This story didn’t, to use a bit of a mixed metaphor, seem entirely ‘kosher’ to me, and the more I read the more my uneasiness about the tale increased.

Because of that uneasiness I decided that I would test whether or not what was being claimed was possible so set up an experiment to check this, the details of which can be found below.

Here’s the story as published by Tell Mama. As usual the original text is in italics whereas this blog’s comments are in plain text.

Cambridgeshire Police are investigating an anti-Muslim hate crime after a piece of bacon was left on the handle of a Muslim man’s car over the weekend.

‘Hate crime’, prank or faked attack? Take your pick.

The man was returning from a local swimming pool with his six-year-old niece when he discovered the pork product. After reporting the incident to police, our support service was also made aware.

You can just imagine the scene in the Cambridgeshire police station can’t you? I wonder if the conversation went something like this: ‘Constable, quick, put down that rape case file and the robbery case file and rush over to the swimming pool, there’s a Muslim in the car park who is offended’. ‘Yes sarge we will’. ‘Shall we also alert the mendacious grievance mongers of Tell Mama?’ ‘Yes do that immediately’.

He expressed his surprise that the perpetrator had not targeted the driver’s door, suggesting that the act was premeditated as nothing would outwardly suggest that the car owner was Muslim.

So why was this car allegedly targeted and why does he believe it was ‘premeditated’ and what difference does it make in what door was allegedly chosen? None from what I can see. The more I read the more holes I start to see appearing in this story.

The sunshine also meant that the bacon slice had cooked, leaving a small streak of fat along the door. This was soon removed, but not before photographic evidence of the vandalism was taken.

Hmmm! Even more suspicious. I checked the temperature records for Cambridge for Saturday and Sunday of the 22^nd and 23^rd April and found that the temperature didn’t climb much higher than 15 degrees centigrade. Hardly enough to cook bacon. I really smell bacon flavoured bullshit from Tell Mama and the alleged complainant.

Read the rest of Tell Mama’s whines about ‘pork product attacks’ via the link below:

https://tellmamauk.org/muslim-man-finds-bacon-on-his-car-door-handle-in-public-car-park/

There are a number of unbelievable aspects to these claims made by the complainant such as there is no indication as to why they thought the ‘hambush’ was premeditated and there was the business about the choice of door for the bacon. Therefore I decided to test the claim and the details of how I tested it are set out below. The result of my tests is that there is a pretty good chance that this is yet another faked ‘hate crime’ by a Muslim either to gain attention or to advance the cause of Islam in Cambridge by crying ‘Islamophobia’.

Experiment design, process and results to check the practicalities of the claims made by Tell Mama and the original complainant.

As the above story from Tell Mama didn’t exactly smell right and had aspects which made me think that this could be yet another fake hate crime (of which there have been many), I decided to put together an experiment to see if I could recreate the results that the complainant says they observed.

In order to do this I got together a piece of test metal only slightly thicker than the average car bodywork and put this in the sun along with a control substrate in the form of a piece of 18mm plywood. See picture below.

I did this in order to see whether the bacon would be partially cooked as the story claims and also to see whether there was any need to leave the bacon in contact with the metal for any length of time in order for a grease patch to be deposited. I conducted the experiment over the course of a two and a quarter hour period to simulate a two hour visit to a leisure centre or swimming pool with the car parked outside. Below you can find the experiment details and the parameters.

Please feel free to try to replicate this experiment for yourself in a spirit of peer review to see if you get the same results as I did.

Here are the experiment parameters

Average thickness of car bodywork metal 0.7 – 0.9mm ( 0.0275591” to 0.0314961” )

Test piece of metal 1.21mm steel including paint (only slightly thicker than car bodywork steel)

Control bacon on unpainted 18mm plywood surface to show effects of sunlight on bacon on a non metallic surface. Test bacon placed directly on metal surface.

Average daytime temperature for April in Cambridge UK, where the bacon on car incident is alleged to have occurred, is 9 degrees centigrade or 48 degrees Fahrenheit. Temperature on day of alleged bacon attack was no higher than 15 centigrade in Cambridge UK.

Approximate thickness of test bacon rashers 1/16” or 1.5748mm

As for the length of time a family may be at in a pool, there is no recommended guide from either HM Government or the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents as this is an issue that depends on the temperature of the pool and the age of the children. However I would not take a child of six into a pool of 30 degrees centigrade for more than one hour for reasons of the child getting too cold. Therefore a test time of two hours fifteen minutes to account for entering the pool building, changing, etc has been chosen for the purposes of this experiment.

Here are the results of the experiment with temperatures and observations

Ambient temperature according to local observation at experiment site – 12 degrees centigrade – weather sunshine and some clouds

Metal temperature when taken out of metal store 11 degrees centigrade

Test time start 15:30

Test end 17:45

Metal temperature at end 25 degrees centigrade

Bacon temperature at start 9 degrees centigrade

Bacon temperature at conclusion of test 24 degrees centigrade

First temp check on metal surface 15:50 12 degrees centigrade.

Observation: Greasing on surface of wood and metal substrates after 20 minutes.

Considerably more greasing on metal substrate than wood substrate Therefore there is no need for any ‘cooking’ to occur, as claimed in the Tell Mama ‘hate crime’ story, for grease to be deposited on either of the substrates.

Second temp check 16:20 19 degrees centigrade

Third Temp Check 16:50 22 degrees centigrade

Fourth and final Temp Check and experiment end 17:45 25 degrees centigrade

A visible inspection of the bacon rashers on both the wood and metal substrates found that there was no evidence whatsoever that the bacon was in anyway ‘cooked’. There was some drying around the edges of the rashers but no colour change or increased odour which would have indicated that cooking of the bacon had occurred.

Conclusion:

It was not necessary for the bacon to be left for any extended length of time against the metal surface for visible greasing to occur. It was also not necessary for the bacon to cook for greasing to occur. Therefore I have to come to the conclusion that the bacon in the Tell Mama story was in contact with the metal car bodywork for a relatively short time.

The original Tell Mama story claims that it was because the bacon had started to ‘cook’ in the sunshine for an extended period that there was a visible deposit of bacon grease on the car door. ‘Cooking’ was shown to not be required for greasing to occur.

The findings from the experiment along with the admission by the complainant that there was no visible clue that the car was owned by a Muslim, raises doubts as to whether either the Cambridge complainant or Tell Mama themselves, are being wholly honest about this story. We do not know whether the complainant is telling the truth and a person or persons unknown placed the bacon on the car, or even whether the complainant put the bacon there themselves.

I have regretfully had to come to the conclusion that there is the distinct and credible possibility that this was another fake hate crime, but for what reason it was faked is unclear at this point in time.

Finally, I’d like to assure bacon eating readers of this blog that no bacon was harmed or wasted in the process of the experiment. Although I avoid bacon myself, I respect the right of bacon to exist and to be eaten by those who choose to do so. All bacon purchased for the purposes of the experiment was fed to my cats and the cats of the immediate area and for this they were very grateful.