As the leader of the National Union of Fishwives and Associated Sweary Professions I have noticed that there are a number of commentators who are trying to insult Labour MP Jess Phillips by calling her a ‘fishwife’. Yes, the word ‘fishwife’ is pejorative slang for a loud and foul-mouthed woman but to try to smear us, the hard working fishwives of Britain, by associating us with Jess Phillips is an affront to our dignity.

Fishwives, if you know your history, are sweary because we work fucking hard, digging for bait and setting bait on nets as well as walking miles upon miles carrying heavy boxes of fish to sell at markets. Jess Phillips, on the other hand, has done the square root of bugger all. Jess Phillips moved quite swiftly from a most likely ineffectual third sector women’s organisation and straight into the House of Commons. We fishwives might swear our arses off trying to get people to buy our fish and support our families but at least we are not a hate filled abomination like Jess Phillips. Not for us the grinding and pointless hatred for ‘Tories’ or the consistent whining about criticism or adverse comment which Jess Phillips indulges in, whenever she gets back a tiny proportion of what she dishes out.

Yes, we fishwives are a bit sweary but that is where the comparison with Jess Phillips and ourselves ends. We do something useful, which is helping to catch and sell fish, Phillips on the other hand provides no utility whatsoever, she’s about as much use to this nation as a chocolate teapot. The ineffectuality of Jess Phillips can be shown by her piss poor performance when she tried to tell Muslims not to be hateful about the gays.

We fishwives would not even want to be loosely associated with Ms Phillips, yet alone have her as a member of our group. We at least make the effort to scrub up on Sundays, Ms Phillips on the other hand always looks like she’s forgotten to wash her face no matter how much she tries to glam herself up.

We would therefore like to remind commentators that calling Jess Phillips a ‘fishwife’ is a horrible insult to the necessary and useful profession of fishwives. Jess Phillips gobs off about anything that Jess Phillips thinks will make Jess Phillips look useful and relevant. She is an empty vessel that makes a loud and incoherent noise.

So, in the language of fishwives, we’d very much like to tell Jess Phillips to fuck right off to the other side of the world and when she arrives there to continue to fuck off and not to come back.

Best Regards

Amelia Haddock

General Secretary

National Association of Fishwives and Associated Sweary Professions